My memories lie
by MoonEclipseSun
Summary: If only I had been able to foretell, then she'd still be by my side.
1. Chapter 1

This is simply a intro so-to-speak. Well, more of a sneak peek. I've mainly done this to see what everyone thinks and if they think I should post the actual story or not bother. I do forewarn you now, this **isn't** a Jasper/Alice paring story! It will have parts where he goes back into his memories of where they were a couple, but it **isn't** the main paring involved! There many not even be a paring, that still hasn't been worked out exactly. This story is simply based around my idea of what it might have been like for Jasper if he was to ever lose Alice.

Now, onto the sneak peek.

* * *

Every time Jasper thought of Alice it was always faded at the edges. It was as if he was forgetting her, but the image of her eyes were always so clear. Everything else was like a faded old photograph. Jasper wasn't sure what to make of it. The rest of his adopted family had tried to help him with the pain and grief but no one understood how he truly felt. Edward was the only one that slightly understood how he felt but then there was a difference in how they felt. The difference was that Edward got Bella back, whereas he couldn't get Alice back.

Everywhere he went he always saw Alice. Some days it was just faintly, as if she wasn't really there and other days it was as if were seeing Alice for the first time as a new born vampire. Days when he saw her faintly the pain was as close to death as he'd ever been. He'd always wished he was dead because then there was a chance that he could be with Alive again. He couldn't though, because Alice had made him promise that he'd live, even if she didn't. Even though he didn't want to live, he'd keep his promise. Though, on the days that he saw Alice always as if she was really there, he could almost handle being alive. Almost.


	2. First chapter: A shock

* * *

This is the first chapter on my story. Hope y'all enjoy it.

* * *

_When I turned, it was already too late. I knew that, even though I was running to them to try and do something. My legs seemed to move in slow motion as she was flung through the air towards the fire. I knew that if I could just get there in enough time, everything would be alright. All I had to do was just run faster. Just as I was at the perfect distance to be able to take a jump and push her away from the flame at the same time, something slammed into me and I was slammed into a tree on the other side of the forest. I quickly pushed myself to my feet and ran towards her again, but I was too late this time._

"_ALICE!"_

Jumping up in shock, I looked around to see the rest of my family staring at me slightly worried. No one made a move toward me, but I noticed the Carlisle opened his mouth to say something. Moving quickly enough so that Carlisle wouldn't have a chance to actually say anything, I made my way up the stairs towards mine and… _her _bedroom. Just as I was reaching my hand out to open the door, I withdrew it and turned and headed for the side window. Sliding the window open, I jumped out of the second story house and made my way into the forest. I knew the rest of my family would have heard me leave the house, but I also know that none of them would follow me.

Making my way deeper into the woods, I found the place that myself and Alice would come too late at night. Jumping over the small lake, I came to sit on the top of the rock formation. I couldn't remember exactly what Alice had called the formation but it was something along the lines of 'her little butterfly'. I'm still not sure why she called it something like that, but I don't care all that much about that right now. All I care about is the fact that I'm connected to Alice someway. As hard as it was, it was always that much easier to be in a place that was connected to Alice.

Everyone had tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault that Alice was dead, but that's where everyone was wrong. It was my fault. I was the one that had let her go into battle. I could have stopped her! I should have! Shaking my head, I let my eyes wander back to the water. After the first few months, everyone had given up trying to tell me that it wasn't my fault. They'd given up trying altogether because they knew it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't bring my Alice back to me.

As much as I could feel their sorrow, and their remorse along with their desire for me to get better, it changed nothing. I would sit in our room all day and just stare. I would stare at our bed. Alice had said that we _needed_ to have it, even though we didn't sleep. I hadn't been able to touch anything in the room.

For the first few days after she'd been killed, I hadn't believed that it was true. I'd sat waiting for her to dance into our room like she always did, and to give me that pixie-like smile of hers. She never did though. To be honest, I still sit here and wait. I think I always will.

I don't know how long it was, but too soon I felt someone appear by my side. It only took me a fraction of a second to know who was now standing beside me looking worried.

"Yes, Edward?"

When I spoke now, my voice was cold and hard. The gentleness that I once had in it was gone, along with Alice. My family had gotten accustomed to it, but they weren't used to it, and it would still make them flinch, as it did Edward.

"We were worried about you. We were simply wondering where you had gone to, and I remembered that you'd spoken of this place once."

I knew Edward was lieing. It was coming off him in waves. He could tell that I knew the truth. I didn't have to think the fact that I knew. Just as he was opening his mouth to speak, another voice spoke instead.

"We get that you loved Alice and that it hurt to lose her Jasper, we really do, but moping around like this won't change anything."

_Ah, Emmett. I knew it wouldn't be long before he spoke. _Smiling slightly, Jasper's body posture turned to Emmett, though he didn't look at him. He knew that Emmett would understand that what he said next would be directed to both him and everyone else.

"And you would be fine if you were to lose Rosalie, Emmett? Or what of you Edward, if you were to lose Bella? No, I do not think you would be. You would do as I am. You would mourn. You Edward, you would have chosen the easiest way out and gone to the Kings of our king. However, you Emmett, you would hunt who killed Rosalie and make them pay. Neither of which, would take your pain away. I can do neither though. Both you and Edward together are the two that killed the beast that took Alice from me, and I do not get the easy way out of my pain. Alice would not… she would send me back here. That much I know. So please, do not tell me not to mourn for my lose of Alice, what we had and what we can never now."

Both Emmett and Edward had nothing that they could say, that much I was sure of. Nodding slightly, as if it were to them, as much to myself, I stood and facing them for the first time, I allowed them to see the extent of the pain I felt for my lose. I watched as Edward dropped to his knees, while Emmett held his chest, a pained expression.

"You understand, now do you not? If far out weighs what you ever thought."

Turning from them, I leapt back over the lake, but instead of heading back to the house, I turned the other direction and ran. It wasn't to get away from my family who simply worried. No, it was to try and out run my pain. As much as I hoped, I doubted it would work, nor last.


	3. Second Chapter: True Heartbreak

* * *

Here is the second chapter.

* * *

I only ran for a few days before I stopped. It wasn't because I was exhausted, that was for sure, but as for the reason as to why I stopped, I don't know. That was, until I looked around more closely and noticed an all too familiar diner. It was the diner in which Alice and I had first met. It was the diner in which I first felt hope in over 50 years. It was still as old and decrepit as it had been all those years ago. Just being here felt like I was being run through with hot prongs over and over. It was the only way that I could really explain what I was feeling, and even then it didn't cover the pain that I felt. I placed my hand over my chest as I stared at the diner. I wavered for a moment, part of me wanting to go in, but the rest screaming at me to stay away. I hadn't even come close to making up my mind, when a couple came out of the diner laughing. I moved, so I was hidden in the shadows, though it wasn't necessary. The couple seemed to not notice the world around them, simply each other. I felt another stab at pain at the waves of love and devotion coming from the two. Turning quickly, I fled.

It was only a few more days before I was in France. To be honest, I wasn't sure how I got here, simply because I only remember running. It had also been that long since I'd hunted, that I'd almost lost track. As much as my thirst burned beyond belief, I couldn't bring myself to hunt. I knew, eventually I would give in, but until then, I would live with the burn and continue to run. I didn't stay in France long, simply continued on. I didn't have a destination in mind, just the fact of needing to run. I knew though, eventually I would return home. Esme would be worried sick about me, and I didn't like making her worry. I knew Carlisle would understand which helped to put me at ease slightly.

It was another two weeks before I went home. Through all the places that I ran, I never stayed long enough to remember where I had been. It didn't matter much to me though, as the run hadn't done what I'd been hoping beyond all belief that I'd hoped it would do. I'd hoped that it would be able to push my lose of Alice to the back of my mind some-what, but I was unable. Her scent was still fresh in my mind, as well as herself. I now sit in our room, my reunion to my family still fresh in my mind.

_I'd only just stepped foot into the living room when I had Esme's arms around me as she –if she couldn't have, sobbed. Unsure of what to do, I simply stood there. It wasn't long before –a fraction of a second, in which the rest of my family appeared. __Carlisle__, Edward –it seemed as if Bella wasn't here, followed by Emmett and then lastly Rosalie. Esme un-wrapped her arms and took a step back so she stood beside __Carlisle__. Now, I have to say, Rosalie is the most predictable of us all. I didn't need Edward's ability to read minds nor… __Alice__'s ability to see into the future to know what Rosalie would do. Rosalie was simply the type of… person that her body language gave away what she was going to do. Well, that's what I thought, but what she did next, completely shook me._

_I didn't even see Rosalie move, so one could understand that I felt like jumping like a cat that had been scared by a loud noise while it was asleep when I felt Rosalie wrap her arms around me. I stood there like a stone wall. Now, it wasn't that I was repelled by the fact that Rosalie was hugging me, no; it was just the fact that Rosalie was hugging me! The only time I'd seen her have physical contact with anyone like this, was with Emmett. I understood that, but what I didn't understand was why she was hugging me. As much as I would have loved to push her off me and get some answers, I didn't have the nerve. It seemed as if my whole family had the same thoughts, as we all looked down at Rosalie confused._

_"Rosalie?"_

_My voice was gentle, if one wanted to warp the truth. It was simply soft but it still held my bitterness. The only response I got from her for a long while was a simple shake of her head and the grip on my shirt tighten. If I shifted my position even slightly, Rosalie shifted hers' to match. I was perplexed beyond belief. What was the matter with Rosalie? It was a while –maybe five minutes before Rosalie finally said something. What she did say –which I wish she hadn't, made me want to shove her off and run._

_"I'm sorry Jazz. I really am. I hadn't meant for __Alice__ to die. She'd told me… told me that there was a chance… that she'd seen it. She begged me… begged me not to tell you. Only… that if she did… when I thought the time was right… to give you this."_

_Rosalie's breathing had hitched every now and then, as well as her voice razing slightly every now and then. I would only look down at her perplexed as she pulled back and held a letter out to me. My eyes drifted to the letter and then back to Rosalie, before going back to the letter once more. Shakily I took the letter from her, before turning and running from the house._

I'd only run to the lake, where I sat for a while, before I returned here. I avoided everyone when I entered the house, simply heading straight up to… _our_ room. I've been sitting in this chair for about three hours now. I'm still staring at the letter in my hands. Part of me wants to open it to know what it's going to say, but the rest of me –the part that doesn't want to feel more pain then I do now, is screaming at me to put it away. Even now, I'm still now sure what side of me I want to listen to.

It was a few more hours before I finally decided what I would do with the letter. As much as I yearned to open it; to know what Alice had to say, why she hadn't told me, I knew I wasn't ready to know yet. I knew it would cause far too much pain and I didn't think I could handle anymore. Sighing, I stood up slowly and walked over to our walk-in closet. Another one of Alice's' ideas. When I reached the back of the closet, I shifted a few boxes and found a piece of wood on the floor that was slightly ajar. I had found this many years ago. Lifting it up, I slipped the un-opened letter into it, and then let the piece of wood fall into place. I would read it when the time was right.


End file.
